Like many of you, I spent the weekend with my family celebrating Father’s Day. I’m incredibly fortunate that this is my second as a father and as I’m on this journey of rebuilding, meant much of the weekend was spent contemplating what the holiday and fatherhood meant, what it requires, and its various struggles*.
For many in our society, there’s a lot of pressure for fathers to look a certain way. To play a certain role. To be the breadwinner. To be the man of the house. Unfortunately, so too are the common tropes that can often lead to lowered competency expectations. While we are fortunate enough that times are evolving and not everyone is tied to those expectations, those societal norms and expectations are still pretty loud and a source of guilt or shame for so many.
The last couple of months have certainly been a journey. I am choosing on a daily basis to wholeheartedly embrace the fact that I get to be a key primary source of support for my family down what many would deem an unconventional path.
But I’m extremely grateful for all of it, because with this choice, I not only get to watch my incredible wife take on the world with ambitious new projects, but I get to watch as my funny, caring, and curious child explores and absorbs everything he can about the world.
I’m sure if you ask a hundred people, you’d get a hundred different stories about what it’s like becoming a father because it’s a deeply personal experience. But, when you boil it down, I think it’s also pretty universal: choosing to live for more than just yourself.
My own father read us a quote this weekend from Pope Francis that I think sums it up beautifully:
Fathers are not born, but made. A man does not become a father simply by bringing a child into the world, but by taking up the responsibility to care for that child. Whenever a man accepts responsibility for the life of another, in some way he becomes a father to that person
For me, it was the easiest choice I ever made. I know I still have a long way to go on this journey, but I’ve been fortunate that I’ve had the support of an amazing partner and an incredible village to help carry so much of the weight and help guide me. And I’m eternally grateful to all of them for their help as I strive to be the best I can be for my family.
So to all the other fathers out there, biological or not, masculine or not, male or not… keep making that choice. And hopefully it’ll continue to be a happy Father’s Day for you and your loved ones for years to come.
* just noting that I fully acknowledge and appreciate it’s nowhere near the amount of labor (physical, emotional, etc) that mothers in our society today endure.