Yesterday was my birthday. Birthdays are usually bitter/sweet for me because while some people use the new year for reflection and adjustment, I try to use my birthday for this. As I complete another year around the sun and head into the last of my 30s, I’d like to share some reflections on the highs, the lows, and my hopes for the next year.
Highs
Family + Friends: The last year has shown me many things, but the single greatest among them is that I’m incredibly lucky and blessed to have the friends and family that I do. They sustain me through the hard times and celebrate with me during the good. I’m so grateful for all of them and wouldn’t be here without them.
Writing: One of the biggest areas of growth for me over the last couple of months has been this newsletter and making writing a more consistent part of my process. It’s still not where I’d like it to be, but I think even just the bit I’ve been able to do has been incredibly helpful and beneficial in my growth and well-being. Finding more time to write consistently (whether published or not) is definitely an aim for the next year.
Work: Whether it was with Able.com, my own projects, or while learning how to rebuild, I’ve been able to build a lot of really fun stuff in the last year. Most recently, this past week, I rebuilt my website and refreshed my resume. It was a good reminder of everything I’ve accomplished over the years.
Lows
The last couple of months, while rewarding in my ability to play and explore, have also been a bit stressful due to the uncertainty of everything going forward. I’m normally quite comfortable with that type of stress, but the weight of it can become overwhelming sometimes when it starts to affect the stability and security of my family.
When I started my mini sabbatical, I adopted a “let’s see where this goes” type of intentionality without a larger focus or well-defined direction and while I enjoyed my time in those moments, there weren’t necessarily outcomes that were truly energizing. This coupled with playing the wrong finite games meant I was draining energy more than gaining it, which ultimately led to feelings of frustration, exhaustion, burnout, and a wavering of confidence in myself, my skills, and my abilities.
Hopes
As I’m continuing to move forward while I search for my next opportunity, I’m staying hopeful thanks to the previously mentioned friends and family. I’m eternally grateful for their continued reminders that all this is hard and the system is stacked against us. But at least we have each other to lean on and support.
While my career hasn’t necessarily been traditional by any means, I’ve been able to do some really cool work. Redoing my website and resume this past week has really helped me remember the larger journey, not just the recent stops along the way.
The other hopeful news is that I just landed a part-time CTO contract that could last for a couple of months. There’s another big offer that I’m waiting on, but for now, at least, some of the stress is starting to fade.
I know I have a lot more in me still. I just need to make sure the foundation is strong before I start building again.
Where am I hoping to be next year? It’s tough to accurately plan these sorts of things when you’re in survival mode and your sole focus is on that next step of not being in survival mode. But beyond that, I’m looking forward to being back in a position of calm and stability where my family and I can enjoy our time together with ease and comfort and maybe a bit of adventure thrown in. And maybe by this time next year, I’ll have already been able to plant enough seeds that I’ll be able to start enjoying some fruit.
What a year it's been. Here's to more of the hardest/best year 🌱